Many unexpected.
I experienced a shocking range of emotions after discharging one of my favorite clients.
Mostly I felt conflicted about wanting to keep in contact with him.
The only thing that seemed to help sort through all of the confusion was writing.
Why would a therapist want to keep in contact with a client?
I've asked myself that question many times.
In school this is one of the first no-no's you hear about.
Therapy is a professional relationship, there must be strict boundaries for the good of the profession, therapist, and most especially the patient. And I definitely agree with this statement whole heartily.
Especially for a patient's sake.
Clear and professional boundaries are one of the only things that can cultivate true safety- which is necessary for real healing to occur.
At the time of the therapy a patient is in need of some kind of care, that is why they are a patient to begin with.
It's a time when they are vulnerable, and it is a therapist's duty and responsibility never to exploit that.
Does it happen? Yes. Exploitation of clients happens fairly frequently, unfortunately.
It's a darker side of humanity- the abuse of authority.
Bosses and employees. Students and teachers. Therapists and patients.
However, I refuse to clump every person I hear has done this into a group of disgusting lechers preying on the defenseless.
And in some respects I felt like a lecher.
Why?
Because I had broken this rule... I had given this client my email address for the purposes of contacting me after he had discharged and I had resigned my position as art therapist at my organization.
Yes.. this is what my psyche was doing.
And this fucker wasn't going away.
GOD ITS ANNOYING!!
SO- As I thought more and more about my unresolved feelings about this- I consulted this dude, Yalom.
Look at that jovial face!
Just kidding... half-kidding.
Irvin D. Yalom is every therapist's guru and if he's not, there's something wrong with you because he does exactly what you should be doing- caring for people in the most authentic and honest way possible.
But before going into that- let me revisit my original question.
Why do I want to keep in contact with this client...
Because he helped me to grow as a person as well as a therapist by challenging the way I develop rapport and relationships with clients.
He wouldn't accept my usual medicine... he wanted more.
He constantly demanded more from me.
And what I found was that the more I stepped up to the plate, the deeper and more authentic the therapy became.
He stepped up to the plate as well, which was remarkable to watch.
He continued to surprise me with his strength and willingness to step outside of his comfort zone.
And of course I felt an immense sense of pride.
Not only was I witnessing him mature first hand, but I was also participating in my own maturity process in therapy... Stepping up to the plate and demonstrating my own strength and courage to dive deeper.
I found that I was bringing up shameful and embarrassing topics in therapy with little hesitation.
I plowed head first into understanding my counter-transference and how it related directly to my past and present relationships...
And dude... I'm being dead serious about being Egg-cited!
And I obviously hope I was also able to shed some light on his own- which he has confirmed (but I will likely not believe it until he gets much older.)
Now, going back to Yalom.
In one of his books The Gift of Therapy he describes many issues that arise in the course of providing care for others.
I've discussed the concept of the "wounded healer" before.
- How essentially we (therapists) are all fucked up and that's actually how he have developed a stronger level of empathy for others' pain and become committed to alleviating it.
In his book Yalom writes about Jung-
(Which if you're reading this for the first time, Jung is kind of the inspiration for this blog... so yea. Coincidence? I think not.)
Jung often spoke of the increased efficacy of the wounded healer. He even claimed that therapy worked best when the patient brought the perfect salve for the therapist's wound and that if the therapist doesn't change then the patient doesn't either. Perhaps wounded healers are effective because they are more able to empathize with the wounds of the patient; perhaps it is because they participate more deeply and personally in the healing process.
That's exactly what I felt like happened. So much of the interactions in the therapy inspired and energized my own insight. And I loved every minute of it- even the difficult parts.
Now- I know this doesn't really answer the true question of IF I should continue to have contact with this client.
Yalom very often describes continued contact with his patients. He says not only could the wounded healer be helped, but being upfront with the patient about it could also be beneficial for them as well!
Furthermore, the patients' self-esteem is radically boosted by being of help to the therapist. I have had several opportunities to minister to important figures in my life.
He himself describes keeping contact with his old therapists and values their relationships after therapy has concluded.
I often advised and comforted an elderly former therapist, saw him through a lengthy illness and was privileged to be at his side at the moment of his death. Despite revealing the frailty of my elders, these experiences served to enrich and strengthen me.
Basically... what this all boils down to is relationships.
Do I feel that I would be exploiting the therapist/patient relationship with further contact?
No I do not.
HOWEVER, the answer as to whether or not I will keep in contact is still unanswered.
Despite feeling that this particular client relationship was different for me, and as much as I hope our interactions were transformative for him as well - the choice will have to be his.
I truly believe that any continuation of a relationship after therapy should be in the hands of the patient, on the patient's terms.
He is a young man, fully capable of making his own decisions and not in any way cognitively impaired.
And should he make the decision to contact me, I will gladly respond.
He is no longer vulnerable, however he will always be in my care because I genuinely care for his well-being.
Should he decide to contact me, I will view our relationship as embarking on another journey.
One of mentorship.
Always in motion is the future.
I hope my real Yoda days continue ahead of me.
Mentoring is a delight.
And if I can't continue with this one, than I hope to start again with another client who sparks another wave of inspiration and exploration.
But regardless, he'll always be my first padawan.
Good luck, young one.
May the force be with you.
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