Thursday, August 29, 2013

They got insurance for that kinda thing, right?

CHAOS has ensued!!

However, the point has been driven home that no matter how prepared you are to move- something will always pop up out of no where.

1) Days prior to our moving- Last Thursday actually, our landlord also informed us that they made a mistake and wanted us to move out on Sunday the 25th, instead of our scheduled Wednesday because they told the new tenants that they could move in on the 28th and they needed to paint. Brilliant!! Needless to say they couldn't find a moving co. to replace ours- so they just had to deal.

2) The deal ended up being that we'd get the keys early- move out by morning/mid-afternoon. ... The movers ended up being late so we had to literally move our furniture around the rooms so the maintenance men could paint... Kind of insane.

3) It stormed, selectively, as we were moving our shit.  

4) (And here's the kicker). The gas man came (at 10:30am) to change our meter... discovered a giant ass gas leak in our building that necessitated an emergency crew to be present all day and jackhammer through something till about 8 o'clock. Freakin sweet!! How did this not get found out till recently, you ask? No clue, lol!
p.s. He also notified my landlord co. that my stove needed an emergency shut off switch to be up to code. The range was ancient, so thanks to him the building, nor our apartment will burst into flames!! So AWESOME JOB City Gas Worker man!

p.p.s. Despite that I'm glad I increased our renter's insurance.

After all that- I stopped being surprised. And everything just got a lot easier.
End result:
Plus side-
Bigger place.
New stove.
Found towels and toilet paper. 

Bad side-
I now live in between towers of boxes and random objects that may or may not be necessary to everyday existence.
No outlet covers, so our risk of dying by electrocution has increased.


Again- I'm glad I got some insurance to cover that.

Sunday, August 25, 2013

Reflection & Gratitude

The process of moving belongings from one place to another brings up a lot of different issues, as you might expect.

For myself in particular, I've moved many many times. And the process does seem to get easier in some ways, but more difficult in others.
I.e. the logistics of filling a box with an appropriate weight and balance vs. once again feeling uprooted and an indefinable loss.

Don't get me wrong.
I love having a clean slate.
And there's something oddly satisfying seeing a house full of boxes.
We get the keys to the new place this afternoon... but I won't hold my breath.
 ________________________________________

Terin stepped into a clearing. A tall grassed meadow. Trees hung low at the edges, as if some kind of unseen power kept them from intruding into the lovely place. Peaceful place. The sun had only just begun its ascent, peaking over the trees into the overgrown grassy field and filled his vision with a sense of belonging. This was where he was supposed to be.
________________________________________

Also T-6 days until I visit my family down south.


What else can you say about transitions like this one?
That it feels like I may be one step closer to finding the place I can finally make a home?
Living in flux takes a toll, but it seems necessary to some degree.
That we're sowing our seeds and have crops to look forward to.
Not now, but later.

This year will be the final year we live in the city.
The first year was spent in chaos.
We hated the fact you could hear people talking right outside our bathroom window on the street...
The dumpsters sat right outside our first floor windows as well, which added an aromatherapy to match our shitty attitudes.
My partner was depressed to find only one job that called back, for 8$ an hour, part time, after having earned a Master's level education....

Then we got a little more used to it.
We moved, to a 4th floor apartment.
And although the dumpsters were still close... the air was much cleaner.
We had a balcony this time, with a view of downtown.
So we stayed for 3 years.
And in these years we've changed quite a bit.
We maximized our opportunities and began taking advantage of our time here, rather than hating every minute of it.

So now comes the final year.
I see it as a bell curve.
The peak was my partner deciding the next step of a career, and mine becoming much more manageable.
I'd like to say I have an idea of what might be in store for us, but I'm really not.
I can only speculate.
We have a list of things to do before we leave, and are keeping them in mind per season.
i.e. Apple picking in the fall, holiday displays at the end of the year, festivals, trips that are easier to make given our location.

However, no matter what the next year holds, I know we'll be using the things we've learned along the way and appreciating them with more gratitude and maturity than when we came.
"Gratitude is a twofold love- love coming to visit us and love running to greet a welcome guest." - Henry Van Dyke.

I don't know who Henry is, but this image is a lot like what comes to mind when I read it.
Does this count as expressing my gratitude?
I don't know, but I'll do it some more anyway.

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Neuroblast

There have been some really great things I've found lately in regards to art and creativity- and this is one.

Imagine watching a brain in a fMRI scanner while in conversation with someone.
Lights popping up in random places.

THEN,
Imagine watching it as it creates artwork.
Like a 4th of July fireworks show...

Now... I'm just making that up.
I actually don't know what it looks like.
But this article gives you a pretty good idea.

Neuroscience of Creativity



SO.. the creative process activates more of the brain. 
You'd think more people might get on this boat in terms of helping people with mental health needs (the type matters little).
And not even people with mental health needs (although EVERYONE needs to keep in touch with what they need mentally) - but people in general.
American society cutting artistic endeavors all across the board... no wonder I have a job!
People are freakin starving themselves....

There's going to be another Renaissance... I can feel it in my bones.

 Now... back to bureaucratic bullshit...

P.S. Moving sucks ass.

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Angels in the colors of the rainbow.

Nothing too deep and mysterious today.

Some days need to be light.

Where the heck can I buy gumdrops?
Did they fall off the face of the earth or something?

I tried having my clients build sculptures out of marshmallows and toothpicks and it failed.
However, using old gumdrops- they were able to do it.
So where do I buy more? And the ones without the sugar coating?
Do I use gummy bears instead?
They'd be stabbing them in the stomach? Head?
Is that the kind of message I want to send?

However, I'm taking a wild guess, but I think kids in general... really really like taking frustration out of things.
And just because it's not something that I might not find cathardic ($10 psychology word for "feels good") doesn't mean they won't.

Eh... I still don't really like the idea of them dismembering and torturing gummy bears... Is that just my own problem though? That shouldn't keep me from facilitating a task that the kids could find beneficial...


Meanwhile... the question that I often find myself wondering is whether or not it is helpful to act out our aggressive impulses onto objects? (Wait... that's kind of an art therapist's job, isn't it?)
Does it just seem negative to the person who is witnessing it and feeling uncomfortable?
In my head, I believe so.


For anyone, especially teenagers, the ability to control their surroundings is something they struggle with intensely.
It's a natural part of development. We begin the process around the age of two with potty training (or so says the psychoanalysts who trained me).
Exercising that control- or control over others may be what these kids need more of.
Especially considering they are in a treatment facility that controls them much more so than many other places they've lived.
And when you consider that children a) need structure to feel safe and develop appropriately and b) these adolescents have grown up without that structure and therefore have stagnated developmentally (and emotionally)... They might need more structure, even if it means holding them down so they don't leave so they can get it- which many parents won't or can't do. (It's kind of an ugly job, but once the kids test those boundaries a few times, they usually get the picture.)

However,
Giving them things to appropriately project onto, exercise control over and manipulate can help channel the impulses into something other than people. Because projecting onto, controlling or manipulating people can harm relationships.

(WHAT? I KNOW! Contrary to the popular belief, if someone THINKS you are trying to control them, they generally won't like you. Now... if they don't think, or don't think you are trying to control them, it gets a lot easier and they will still like you. Hence politics.)

But anyway, these kids need as many positive and healthy relationships they can get.

So basically this whole thing was a pep talk in the therapeutic application of gummy bears. 

Another important question is whether or not the gummy bears knew this the entire time, and if they are happy because they can be of some happy assistance in this sick sad world?
I like to think so.
Like kamikaze pilots for the sake of happiness.
God bless them... every one.

Monday, August 12, 2013

Dank, dirty and wet

There is an entirely different way of living if you live alone.

I've never had the opportunity to do so.
My significant other and I met young and so it was just a hop, skip and a jump from family home, to dorms with roommates to living together.
And as long as we've been together, there have been very few times in which I have had the opportunity to be the sole provider of my own nourishment, hygiene and entertainment.

I gotta say... It's pretty fucking nice.

I have COMPLETE CONTROL.
Which is a good thing if you tend to lean in that personality direction to begin with.

In these situations you literally have to ask yourself-
What do I want?
What do I need?
And the only one you need to consult is... yourself, for any of these answers.

I can imagine this lifestyle would ensure a certain amount of maturity.
However, there are people who are better at it than others...
Taking care of themselves, rather.

Me?
I'm not the BEST at it.
These little fruit fly fuckers for instance.
(And this is one of the most benign images I found. So if you feel like gagging- by all means, google fruit flies or any other undesirable household insect). 
WHERE THE HELL DO THEY COME FROM!!
It's like they freaking arrive from NO WHERE and decide to host Tango Night on the tomato laying on the counter.
They're taking advantage of my irresponsibility!! WTF!

So... if I'm considering this in a whole picture kind of way-

Are there any fruit fly fuckers in the dank dark recesses of my SOUL?  ? That just sounds disgusting...
Ones that arrive when the environment changes? When things get shifted around?
And not completely unlike the dust bunnies coalescing and developing a strategy to attack via allergic air strike because I moved the furniture?

Look, so if you haven't gathered by now, my apartment is a mess.
Yes, I've cleaned it a little- mostly to keep the fruit flies out.
But I'll freely admit, I'm not the cleanest person alive.

However, I would like make an observation (that my co-workers have as well).
As I began cleaning out and reorganizing my apartment, my desk at work became deplorable.

This week? My desk is the most organized it's been since I got it a YEAR ago.

All I'm saying is that it seems an awful lot like plugging up one hole in a boat, only to find another one springing up a few feet away. 


(See what I did there? Eh? Political cartoon... yea...)
So is that how this soul searching stuff works too?
Are we always juggling aspects of our lives and when any one holds our attention for too long the others suffer in one way or another?

It may be.
It reminds me of a story I heard once.

A professor is giving a lecture on time management.
He fills a jar with large stones and asks the audience if it's full.
They reply yes.
He then adds a bag of pebbles to the top and asks again.
They get the picture and say no.
He says correct, and pours in sand to the top.
He asked again, and they respond no.
The professor then adds water until the jar is completely filled.

The point? You would not be able to fill the jar with the same materials if you did not add the large stones first.
In the story the professor likened these to family, health, friends, passion, goals.
So if you have the big things-  the little things will take care of themselves and fall into place.

So there you have it.
Big picture stuff.

Kinda goes back to Maslow's hierarchy of needs.
There's not a whole lot of self-actualizing going on if you're starving and sleep deprived. Although I'm sure I could find someone who disagrees.

I would imagine living alone just makes a lack of those large stones more pronounced.
Like if you didn't have family or friends around... 

*sigh*
All this boils down to one thing...

But not tonight, because the plane lands in about 45 minutes...

Saturday, August 10, 2013

Meldings













Now- on the surface, this is great. I think, "Wonderful! I'll just put in all this inspirational stuff! Only positive stuff allowed!! No negative stuff!! HAH, I'm BRILLIANT!"














It almost makes me sad.
These are things that I feel can be helpful to think about. IF people actually stop and think.

But these images that initially have meaning, get altered by our continual use and abuse of them which therefore turns them into... almost into something that is as repulsive as a "rotten melon that nobody wanted sitting in the back of the market" (Pinky, from Animaniacs).

Wait- here's a story.
Apparently it was Carl Jung's favorite, which is totally appropriate for this blog-


"The water of life, wishing to make itself known on the face of the earth, bubbled up in an artesian well and flowed without effort or limit. People came to drink of the magic water and were nourished by it, since it was so clean and pure and invigorating. But humankind was not content to leave things in this Edenic state. Gradually they began to fence the well, charge admission, claim ownership of the property around it, make elaborate laws as to who could come to the well, put locks on the gates. Soon the well was the property of the powerful and the elite. The water was angry and offended; it stopped flowing and began to bubble up in another place. The people who owned the property around the first well were so engrossed in their power systems and ownership that they did not notice that the water had vanished. They continued selling the nonexistent water, and few people noticed that the true power was gone. But some dissatisfied people searched with great courage and found the new artesian well. Soon that well was under control of the property owners, and the same fate overtook it. The spring itself to yet another place- and this has been going on throughout recorded history."

This story relates specifically to dogmatic religion and the search people go on to seek meaningful and fulfilling spirituality.
But isn't that the way things always pan out?
Take governmental structuring for instance (and granted there will be plenty of people who disagree with me) but both communism and democracy end up with the rich getting richer and "power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely" (Thank you Lord Acton).

And I do believe it's true, that absolute power corrupts those who wield it.

I see it almost every day, on a smaller scale. See the faces and hear stories of instances in which the control and responsibility of the life of a human being (parenthood) was manipulated, abused and neglected for personal gain, satisfaction or pleasure.

Why should we assume that the human beings who wield wealth and power over us are incapable of falling victim to the same corruption that all human beings would, if not for a thin abstract notion of integrity and an understanding of what it really means to hold power over others?
It's human nature. Period.
Given certain circumstances- these are the flaws of human kind and they will render themselves problematic in one form or another.
AND given the cyclical nature of everything on this earth, it shall balance itself out again, in one form or another.
Marie Antoinette's rolling head can testify to that.
At least in the governmental arena.
And I'm not sure if I'd like to be around for the crumbling and reorganization process, but I have a feeling there won't be much of a choice... it's already kind of happening as we speak.

How do I know this?
I'm looking around- observing...


There have been little tidbits rolling around and collecting in my little head.
Things I hear, see, and feel over and over again that begin to take root. Ideas converging. Little neurons, dendrites and synapses forming in my little brain and conjoining- the chemistry of my brain being augmented by the environment.

SO...What are these things?
Well things in my Facebook newsfeed of course!

Platitudes and news- good things, bad things. Worrying things, inspiring things.

A song by one of my significant other's favorite bands, and its video.
It's blurry at first, but artistically significant of a great white and killer whale playing with and consuming its prey. 
Beady Eye- Flick of the Finger
And a monologue at the end that draws me in:

"Don't be deceived when our revolution has been finally stamped out, and they pat you eternally on the shoulder and say that there's no inequality worth speaking of and no more reason for fighting. Because if you believe them they will be completely in charge, in their marble homes and granite banks from which they rob the people of the world under the pretense of bringing them culture.
Watch out.
For as soon as it pleases them they'll send you out to protect their gold in wars whose weapons rapidly developed by servile scientists will become more and more deadly. Until they can, with a flick of the finger, tear a million of you to pieces."

And a video that  teacher friend of mine shared, and despite the date (December of last year) it remains relevant because the answer has yet to be addressed.
The 99%

So...

Perhaps - perhaps it will be all of these little things... all of them combined.

The rumors. The stories. The seemingly meaningless experiences of every day life.
Whether they are true or not. 
The little videos that add up on our newsfeeds that slowly change our brain chemistry, synapse by synapse that will eventually lead to action and alter our surroundings, in one way or another.
It's really all about the process. The journey.
We're not at our destination yet. We're not at the transformational stage.
Will it be a massive global revolution to adjust to a sustainable homeostasis for our societies?
Perhaps.
We won't know until it's complete. 
In the meantime, we're still cooking, boiling, simmering...

But it will change... that's for certain.

It all changes.
 

Aaaaaaaaand...






Friday, August 9, 2013

Watered down jelly.

There are these two young fish swimming along and they happen to meet an older fish swimming the other way who nods at them and says “Morning boys, how’s the water?” And the two young fish swim on for a bit, and eventually one of them looks over at the other and goes, “What the hell is water?”

I've had this video/speech on my mind for a while and I think it sums up a lot. Not only of what it means to be an adult, but a mindful human being. 

This is water.

And then I saw this video... about jelly beans.

The jellied life.

The common thread?

I just had lunch and now I'm hungry again.



Friday, August 2, 2013

The mouths have it.

*update- July 31st was a success and I feel refreshed and am back on track. Definitely thankful I have the opportunity to make those kind of days happen and I am supported.


So in the meantime, I have gotten myself a calendar.
Well- not a calendar- I made a journal into one and am finding the stress much more bearable.
And I'll be damned if I didn't have a ton of shit on my mind with no way to organize it.
It's kind of amazing the to-do list and how simple it gets when it becomes something you can see and physically manipulate.
I wonder if it works with problems too?!?! Hmmm... perhaps my profession isn't a crock of shit after all?

So as I often do, I'm sitting and procrastinate periodically into blogs of an art therapy nature.
One of them strikes me as very interesting.
An art therapist has set a goal of creating a small card every day of the year. 365 small pieces of art that encourage and remind her of various things.
What a wonderful idea!
I have something similar- a journal that I work in from time to time and it reminded me of that. A record of moments.
In a lot of ways the organizer I just purchased accomplishes the same thing.

A place that encompasses the past, present and future in one- with daily reminders.
However- the one I got is for work.
What about for enrichment??
What about the feeling you get when you've created something- anything? Beautiful, honest, ugly?
What about continuing the mentality of a mental health day and carrying a small piece of it with me everyday?


That takes dedication... is what it takes.
Dedication and commitment to achieve a goal of this magnitude...



And perhaps I only have room for one at the moment.
This one.

Therefore, I have chosen my path.
I must remain steadfast in my commitment to exploring the Dark Side.
Where ever it may lead...


Especially if it leads me into the deep dark recesses of my own mouth...