Questions without answers

A day full of questions... both personal and professional.

Is it possible for me to go to India.. to volunteer for a community center that offers a safe place for women and children? Would it be possible for me to experience that and not just dream it?

Why is it so frustrating when some kids really need my help- I find myself bored and scared of my reactions to their artwork, and other kids I need to stay away from, I find myself sucked in by their manipulating behaviors? I know how I will react to both situations and yet I find myself being lulled into my default response regardless.

Why am I so sensitive to disrespect? Mostly other professionals that appear to purposefully disregard the potency of my work? Why does it matter so much?

How can I become so entranced by so many areas of life? Science, religion, politics, art, the earth and environmental activism, conservation, social justice? Why do I feel so motivated to direct my energy and passions into ALL of them, at ONCE? And how can I begin to choose between them?

What kind of book will I write?

How can one person possibly feel so much love for others and yet not accept it back from them?

What will it be like to listen to the favorite music of my deceased family? Will it be as moving as it seems like it might be in my mind and in my heart?

Can pills change you as a person? Will my significant other "lose" me? Or will the pills quiet my mind and give me peace from a rush of worries and questions- like these?

Will I be a good supervisor to my intern? Will I push her too hard as I am want to do?

When will I be able to relax in my home without the view of boxes or random odds and ends staring back at me?

Will I make the decisions today that guide me on the path of becoming the person I want to be?

The connection

One step to another

Ever since I was a teenager, I had an idea of what kind of job I would find fulfilling in life.
I just never thought anyone would actually pay me to do it.

Well, here I am. Doing what I love for a living.
Helping others change their lives.

Ever since I entered into my master's program I felt like a change was coming on the horizon.
I felt like the world (the United States and its education system) had suppressed the creative capacities of their students so much that the only way out was up.
After all, when something is put under pressure for so long- the inevitable end is an explosion.

And that's what I see, day in and day out.
I hear and read and watch story after story of such massive and unsustainable inequality that it sickens me.
It saddens me, angers me, hurts me.

This image is from a TV show I've been watching recently.
It's an old British comedy about the political system and the plot of many of the shows are the obstruction of meaningful, common sense ideas for common citizens by an ancient system. 

I always thought of myself as politically neutral growing up.
I reserved my thoughts for myself (if I even had any on any one particular subject) out of fear that I might not be accepted by those around me if I spoke.
I still have fear, only now the fear is of the outcome if I remain silent.

Silence is so easy.
Indifference is easy.
The process of changing the problems and finding solutions is difficult.
Why would you want to do that?
That only makes a person miserably uncomfortable.

Well the dissonance isn't going away.
And it won't go away unless I do something about it.
Ignoring it is no longer an option.

I think I've decided to take my preparation into action.

Quiet before the storm

Still very much under construction...

Be back soon to begin a new cycle!!