Analysis of the void

It's taken a long time to begin to understand some important parts about who I am.
One way I've been able to do that has been through the gathering and analyzing of information about my family and how we've functioned through the years.
What choices were made during critical times of life that swayed the pendulum this way and that?

In doing some searching it has come to my attention that several family members have experienced sexual abuse from other trusted family members. Although this in and of itself is incredibly saddening and confusing, my perspective of it has been altered through my work with child sex offenders.
And in this work, one of the things that strikes me the most is how much of an influence neglect has on this issue.

In looking for the definition of neglect I ran into something interesting. Apparently there are several different types.

Neglect: 1) To give little attention or respect to: disregard. 2) to leave undone or unattended to especially through carelessness.

Benign neglect: An attitude or policy of ignoring an often delicate or undesirable situation that one is held to be responsible for dealing with. (Oh my supervisor is SOOOOOOOOOO good at this).

Excusable neglect: A legitimate excuse for the failure of a party or his or her lawyer to take required action on time. (No comment required, it speaks for itself).

So these definitions imply that there is a range or spectrum.
I certainly feel that there were plenty of times where I was neglected as a child: some for better, some for worse.
Many parents are being criticized these days for being too overbearing in fact. Not neglectful enough. Not allowing their kids to explore and learn, which can become another issue altogether. You can smother a fire by giving it too much wood.

But I believe there are several different levels and layers of neglect to 1) result in an act of sexual assault, especially on a child to begin with 2) for it to happen again to the same person and 3) allow the cycle to continue with a new victim.

And I know judgment usually goes hand and hand with this topic, but I honestly believe that people make their own choices. They make them for their own reasons that I know nothing about. They have to live with them. However I'm also a believer in something Maya Angelou said:
"Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better."

Overall, there is security in the idea that I am making decisions to "do better" despite the rampant abuse. I'm not saying I wasn't harmed by it because I was, just in a different way. I was trained to be aware, vigilant. But I obviously prefer the latter to the former.

It's a fine line. Parenting. Living. Sometimes it seems like it's all a fine line really... ?
Fine lines crossing to make... a web? The web of life...

That's fucking deep.